or i am a celestial being having a human experience.
in this way the way i perceive my life, what i do, how i think, who i associate with changes, mostly in the way that i see myself. in this way i do not see my body as broken, damaged, imperfect, un-beautiful. rather i come to see myself as God see’s me and how he wants me to see myself. now i do not see my self as imperfect reaching for perfection, that is unmaintainable, no, now i see myself as perfect but learning, growing, being shaped, and molded into a more fuller self.
this is probably very crazy to hear for those who are christians and in the lds faith. we are taught that adam and eve fell so therefore we have become imperfect. but what they did, chose to do, i see as something that had to be done in the fuller scale of things. for me, i believe that it had to be done. what we lost was the full presence of being with God and since then, rather than being in the full scope of beauty and light we are in a state of darkness of our minds.
once i realized this i decided that my body wasn’t bad, wasn’t dirty, damaged, broken, imperfect, it wasn’t an object. no, because God created us, created these forms that we are in. where are souls and human bodies unity to be one. we are each pieces of art, i am art and all art is beautiful. when i was able to comprehend all of this i started being grateful for my body, my whole body any part of it that i didn’t like, didn’t love, wanted to change i started thanking it. I thanked my Heavenly father for this body and for all that it can do. i could then stare in the mirror at myself, be naked and be comfortable in my skin, not be ashamed
now i see my legs that are thick and muscular as strong that can carry me to any where i want to go or do. they can climb a mountain, run, walk, swim. they are beautiful because my legs are strong and powerful. my stomach that holds so many important organs that breaks down my food and then process and sends all the nutrients that it needs, where after gaining and then losing so much weight my stomach as gone back without any signs, where it has definition and muscle, where one day it will hold and create life inside. my breast too, yes it seems that we as women have all had issues with them, whether they are too big, too small or just there. at some point in our lives they contribute to most of our feelings of feeling like objects. rather i look at them now as being able to sustain and nurture life. my arms now i see as strong and nurturing. they can lift heavy objects, pull tables across a room, wipe tears, soothe, protect, hold and nurture. yes my body is perfect and does exactly as it should do.
this year has been a defining one in where i am learning to see myself differently, i am learning to see myself as God see’s me, how i want to see me and be seen. it’s a beautiful thing to let go of the self hate and to rather self-love, to see our selves as beautiful creatures inside and out.