this last week i have been out of sync with myself. my mood was low and i was having a hard time focusing on what it was i was needing to get down. i had been feeling uninspired. yesterday morning was a low for me i was feeling extremely sad, confused about everything that is happening to me and questing what i am supposed to be doing. i let it out the only way i know how, i laid there on the floor and cried it out and then when it was time i got up and took my emotions out to nature.
i went up to lewis peak here in ogden (i believe a 12 mile round hike). as i was taking the first switchbacks i started feeling lighter, energy was coming back to me. i kept climbing and letting it all go, i let my body do what it was needing to do. when i got to the steepest climb up i stopped and looked up, i knew i had to get up there and i was going to so i took my first step and then i started running it, there was a part of me that needed to tell everyone that i could do it, that i was stronger than they all believed i was capable of. that they didn’t really know me, because when things do get hard, when the floor drops from out from under me i do my best work then. you may not be able to see it, but for me i learn my own strength, i learn who i really am and what i am made for. i become sane in the insanity. or thats how i have always believed myself to do. after that steep climb the rest of the way became easy again and i could feel something besides just sadness. my body was waking up, my mind became brighter, and my heart was softer.
it was cold and windy but somehow it was perfect and exactly what was needing to be done yesterday. everything else could wait for another day. nothing else mattered but climbing and conquering that mountain. and when i got to the top of lewis peak nothing else did matter except feeling pride of my body for what it had just accomplished and for myself for not playing mind games on the way up. what mattered was right then and there, the beauty of the mountains, the beauty of the city below.
my body is a little sore today but my mind and heart feel rejuvenated. and my love for nature has deepened and a higher appreciation for my body and what it can do.