as i was walking up the street and getting near to the house number i started getting anxious and a bit excited for this new endeavor that i am on.  a new place, a new start, a place that would be my own.  then i came up on them, the apartments.  i walked up the drive and in the middle common area. there they were all lined up and so sad looking.  they looked like they hadn’t ever had a face lift to them.  i walked by each apartment door counting them till i got to the one i was there for.  i wanted to cry and to turn around and leave.  i had gotten there several minutes early and the state that they where in, i just couldn’t do it, i didn’t want to do it.  i was scared about being there at night alone, would i be safe?  would i be comfortable being there alone at any part of the day.  the little bit that i do have would it be left alone?  but then again this really was all that i could afford and as i stood there examining the property and the state that it was in and on the verge of crying and having an almost complete meltdown the first part of a hymn came to my mind.

be thou humble.…i started humming it as i paced around in circles.  and then the discorded emotions i had washed away and then i could look at it differently.  could i see lace curtains in the windows, what about pictures hanging on the wall? what if i spruced it up with some flowers in pots by the door?  could i hang a wreath in the door?  could i beautify it and make it my own?  and yes i think i could and it really is and realistically within my price range.  i could live there and be okay financially. and at this point that is all that really matters.  it’s a very small studio, but it’s cute inside, it’s had a bit of remolding done inside and it won’t take me very long to clean it up.  so yes if this is the place then i will be okay. its close to plenty of amenities in town and i can still walk for the most part every where.  but time will tell if this is the place that i will move into. but i know that it is all okay.

“be thou humble in thy weakness and the lord thy God shall lead thee…”

with love,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    jess