as i was walking up the street and getting near to the house number i started getting anxious and a bit excited for this new endeavor that i am on. a new place, a new start, a place that would be my own. then i came up on them, the apartments. i walked up the drive and in the middle common area. there they were all lined up and so sad looking. they looked like they hadn’t ever had a face lift to them. i walked by each apartment door counting them till i got to the one i was there for. i wanted to cry and to turn around and leave. i had gotten there several minutes early and the state that they where in, i just couldn’t do it, i didn’t want to do it. i was scared about being there at night alone, would i be safe? would i be comfortable being there alone at any part of the day. the little bit that i do have would it be left alone? but then again this really was all that i could afford and as i stood there examining the property and the state that it was in and on the verge of crying and having an almost complete meltdown the first part of a hymn came to my mind.
be thou humble.…i started humming it as i paced around in circles. and then the discorded emotions i had washed away and then i could look at it differently. could i see lace curtains in the windows, what about pictures hanging on the wall? what if i spruced it up with some flowers in pots by the door? could i hang a wreath in the door? could i beautify it and make it my own? and yes i think i could and it really is and realistically within my price range. i could live there and be okay financially. and at this point that is all that really matters. it’s a very small studio, but it’s cute inside, it’s had a bit of remolding done inside and it won’t take me very long to clean it up. so yes if this is the place then i will be okay. its close to plenty of amenities in town and i can still walk for the most part every where. but time will tell if this is the place that i will move into. but i know that it is all okay.
with love, jess