i have been thinking about my spirituality a lot lately, where am i at on my journey, what have i learned, what am i learning, and what more can i learn? i seek after it really in all sorts of forms and ideas. this morning as i was in the shower and manifesting for the day i had a sort of epiphany “i don’t want to be righteous nor do i really want to be too religious, what i want and what i crave more than anything is to be spiritual.” my thought was being righteous is about being right and someone else being wrong, its a me vs you mentality and i don’t want to live like that any more. i don’t want to be better than anyone else. i don’t want to be living for my ego or the “natural man”, i would much rather be living for my true self, my inner self that is going to be guiding me to my true purpose, calling for why i am here on this earth, why i was born and why i live. i want a life that is going to bring me greater meaning and happiness that will carry me even when the going gets tough but then where it also feels like you haven’t really gone through much because you are truly living your life to your full potential. and that is all i have truly ever wanted.
i got out of the shower, dressed and let that thought sink deeper inside of me. i had decided about 20 minutes before i got in the shower that i needed to go down to 25th street and get a cup of coffee and read my newest book at the shop. i didn’t know why, if only because i needed to enjoy this beautiful winter day. i walked my way up monroe, then crossed my way through the park at 21st, took a couple side streets that lead me towards the library and then walked my way over to 24th street and across washington. i decided at the light that i would keep going onto 24th and head over to beyond glazed, they have amazing donuts that are unlike any other donut. i bought myself a salted carmel mocha donut (yes they make those and 50 more) and then headed over to grounds for coffee on 25th. as i was walking down 25th i noticed a film crew on the opposite side of the sidewalk. i am sure it would have been interesting to watch and it sort of made a part of my day to see. but i had a mission and that mission ended up being a carmel apple latte with my name written all over it. i sat in the coffee house reading my book and observing those around me, but mostly focusing more on healing the sacred divide. i bought the book on recommendation by by scrolling through mindy glendhills instagram feed and seeing that she had praised it so and that it sounded like something i could fall in love with myself i bought it off of amazon and am looking forward to going deeper into the divine of the feminine divinity.
i read for a time and then walked down to the union station on wall and 25th into the the shop at the union. its a lovely little gift shop inside that has well so much inside. there were lots of birds and owls of all sorts and i wanted to buy every single one to decorate my home in. i talked with the owner a little bit and how all the proceeds from the gift shop goes towards restoring the union station and i also got to taste test some of the yummy candies they had at the counter. of course i had to buy some champagne gummy bears to chew on on my walk back home. i then took myself over to my favorite little cafe for a cup of their vegan soup. i am in love with a good life cafe. its inside the blooming lotus imports shop. and i love everything about both. i enjoy the energy, i enjoy that you can sit and have a conversation about everything and anything. that the owners at both the shop and cafe are super friendly and its as if you are always talking to a close friend. i also enjoy that i can shop and eat at the same time.
i sat at one of the tables and enjoyed my very yummy coconut carrot ginger soup and then had a very enjoyable conversation with a man sitting behind me. he noticed my book and so we talked about spirituality and religion and the major difference in the two. we talked about how in the earlier stages in human development we prayed to a female divinity and then as we changed we went into a more male dominate god and how that has has caused much pain for ourselves and that we need more of a duality with god having the female and male to be balanced, a yin and yang. we talked greatly about Buddhism, the dali lama, compassion, and meditation. we talked a lot about how meditation can bring us into a deeper level of consciousness and a deeper level of spirituality. our conversation solidified even more of my epiphany in the shower. time became slower as we talked, i felt dazed ( i will say i was not confused at all and i had focus during our conversation), i felt a shift happening this had started happening the night before but felt stronger after we had talked. the rest of my day i flowed through it. i allowed whatever was happening and even enjoyed it as it was taking over me. i felt peaceful and truly calm, nothing really seemed to truly matter, whatever was a big deal lessoned and i truly just enjoyed the rest of my day. i noticed how my body felt, my head, i noticed the energy inside of me.
after our conversation and soup, i walked up to the art gallery of gallery 25. i admired the beautiful art work from artist here in utah. i have been wanting to buy a piece of art that has meaning, that speaks to me on a very deep profound way. i have always wanted one truly great painting to hang on my walls in my home. i walked around the gallery, taking a few seconds or longer at each piece, trying to find one that would resonate with me. there were a few that jumped out at me and if i am lucky i might just buy myself one of them. i then walked up to the bread company, walked around the other shop connected to it and then bought myself a slice of bread and then a loaf to bring home for myself.
i then walked down to meet my mom at the bus station to visit before she left on the bus that would take her to texas to visit with my little brother. i caught her up with everything that has been happening with in the last couple of weeks since we had last talked. we talked about my plans for the weekend, we laughed about some of the things that i have been doing or saying and i also possibly shocked her. i realize now as i am typing this that today my mom and i finally were able to talk as friends would. i wished her a safe trip, we hugged and i told her to tell my little brother hello for me.
i walked back home, basically the same way i had when i had gone down to 25th. i listened more to my body, to what was happening. i went over the conversation from my lunch. i came home made myself some bread and butter. relaxed on the couch, visited with my roommate, and then talked with my best friend about our day. we discussed about following and listening to our intuition, setting our intentions and talked more about what i had been feeling and what was happening. i realize that today was magical, today is what i wish more of my days to be like. today was an assurance of the possibilities of what is to come. today was a spiritual journey and a journey i got to take right here in my own town, in this town that has grown on me, that has so many fascinating sides to it. a town that is magical itself, it has many colors to it. this town that is off the beaten path, it may not be like all the other towns that does what they all do, but it has level, diversity, a sense of itself, this city truly belongs to me.
thank you for the journey.
p.s. i hope that if you get the chance that you will visit ogden and fall in love with it as i have.