deciding my next…..

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its almost been a year since the divorce and as i get closer to the year mark and have passed other marks to let me know that time heals and how far i have come in a years time that now i am better and stronger.  i have been getting to the point were i am ready to be over the healing process of the divorce and ready to move on to my next chapter, whatever that might be.   i have taken a year to heal my heart, let go of the relationship, and in my own time to move on.  i needed this year to do that to focus my energy of forgiving, realize that i was angry and to just be sad, happy, and every other emotion mixed in there.

i don’t regret getting married or being married to who i was. it was great while it lasted. there were many great times and funny times and some very sad and hard times as well. but thats life.  life is a roller coaster of emotions and of good and bad mixed in there.  i wouldn’t change any of it.  my marriage helped to craft me into the women i am today.  and i know what i want and don’t want and what to expect but i also realize that every relationship is going to be different. that is if i do get into another relationship.  i don’t expect it nor do i go out looking for it.   it would be great and wonderful to have a companion in life but i also know that i don’t need to be in one to make me happy or to fill some need or desire in me.  if and when i meet someone i want to have already have climbed to the top of the mountain and meet someone there.

which brings me to me going to the st. george temple today to pray, mediate, and hopefully receive some answers about my next phase in life.  i don’t see a need to heal in my next stage, this year has been healing not just from the divorce process but also from my childhood. from things that have happened and learning to forgive and release it.  i am ready for a big change and i have been praying for one, drastic even.  i see the rest of this summer in preparation for this drastic stage in my  life and it will keep me busy but the blessings and accomplishments that will come from it and where it will lead me, excites and scares me all at the same time.

time and focus will tell.

with love,

jess

 

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