I saw you today, well we both saw each other and I didn’t believe it at first when I saw you there standing there getting situated and getting into your dad’s car. You were wearing an outfit I have seen you wear about a hundred times before. I don’t know why I tried to think it wasn’t you in the first place, after so many years I still know your body, how you stand and walk, what it looks like as if I had only saw you this morning as you would have left for work. I am not sure what I expected, you looked the same, but I guess it has only been a year. It doesn’t feel like it has been that long, I sometimes still expect you to just be there like always before. I know that’s not how it is now or will ever be. It has gotten better though, getting used to you not being around, not hearing your voice, having you walk in the door at 1 in the morning, or being there as I wake up in the morning. At times it does feel like it has been a life time ago for us. And that just feels weird to me when I stop to think about it, but I try not to.
I have to say I wanted to be angry that I saw you this afternoon, even if we didn’t speak, but I saw you and you saw me and there was an awkward wave and smile and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. either run back the way I came or stop right there were I was at and have a panic attack. I didn’t do either, I watched you drive off and turn with the rest of the cars when the light turned and I kept my composure and only managed a heave and a few tears. I was a little shook up but I was able to recover, not that you would probably care. I went back to my business like almost nothing had happened, like it was a normal occurrence. What else was I to do?
The feeling was strange, I have to be honest here, I have been expecting this for sometime, I wasn’t sure how it would happen I just knew that it would. I had been waiting for it for a year. And there you were and there I was. It was like it had happened before or that it was meant to happen and it just was what it was.
I am glad that it finally happened, now I can stop worrying about when or if it will happen and how I would act. It has, I did fine and it really was nothing to worry about. Now I can get back to worrying about work, my friends, what I am going to have for dinner, and my dating life.
I am glad to see you well.