it’s midnight, my dog is growling at me i am not sure if he wants to go out or wants more food, i am listening to one of my multiple pandora stations sitting at the little kitchen table with my owl mug with some tea trying to figure out what i should write about or whether i should give up and go to bed. i can’t even tell you how many times i have started to write something and then decided to scratch it all and give up and walk away from it. opening and closing my computer with nothing to say or wanting to write something but not knowing how to start. i have lost count how much that has happened in the last months.
i can tell you that it has been an interesting year so far, i know that it is only autumn but it feels like the year should be done with already, i really had high hopes for this year but i see i was just a little too ambitious which i think we can all agree that it was perfectly okay with me doing that. it hasn’t been all bad i did get to go to moab, and to maryland which i have never been before, and then one more trip to st. george. i am very lucky that i got to do those trips but it has also been a rather slow year or maybe mellow, i suppose maybe i needed that a bit.
since march i have had three different jobs that became unsuccessful for me and that has been rather frustrating to me. i am ready for that to settle down and for me to find a decent position to stay at and save some money. i have some plans i would like to save up for and do. but sometimes like tonight i want to call it all and just pack up a few items and just head out on the road becoming nomadic, i dream and fantasize about this way more than i probably should. it’s a thing i do when i start getting stressed out about what ever is happening, i have been doing since forever basically. we all have our outlets mine is running away in my mind and living some nomadic life venturing off to foreign lands were people don’t know me. which i am sure i could do this, i mean it really wouldn’t be to difficult or expensive ( i’ve done a bit of research) i just don’t think my grumpy puppy would like a life on the road very much and well i know he doesn’t do to well with out me. stuff to sleep on i suppose or just keep trying to figure it out here. but i don’t think handing over all my things to the d.i tomorrow will be an option, at least not right now. i realize i just need to be better at planning and preparing and not procrastinating and i could actually do everything i have ever dreamed up for myself.
well this post took a surprising different turn that what i was thinking it would go. interesting what late night and tea will do to you.