this post is long, perhaps the longest about the weekend….

oh the weekend, it was wild and spiritual and good. just plain old good. i like good i mind good, good is the relaxing and unexpected for me.

friday was okay, nothing spectacular or anything to really write about except that it was your normal single friday night alone pondering what the other world of society is doing while making a pan of apple crisp and then downing said apple crisp in one night.  that is a pretty normal friday or any other night for me. like i said nothing to write about it only cause others to be slightly sad for you.

saturday was good and unexpected, it was really good.  i woke up, showered, and then right before taking charles for a walk i decided that it was the perfect time to chop my hair.  it was driving me crazy, the split ends, endless splits. it was so unhealthy and i know what you are thinking, jess just go to the salon and get a trim.  that’s rather normal, but you see when you can’t even put $10 together and it has been well past the 6 month mark you become desperate and then you are standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom and you think it is perfectly normal and acceptable to cut your own hair with a pair of kitchen scissors.  so i did and you know what i kinda like it, its all one length and it looks a lot healthier than it did before and its only slightly uneven.  i have improved since my 9 year old days of cutting my bangs.

Photo on 10-12-14 at 9.53 PM

and a picture so you can see my hack job. your welcome.

then i took charles for his walk and that was nice and the weather, perfect.  we went right over to the river parkway and we were out for a good 45 mins.  charles taking his good ol’ time sniffing and peeing on everything he could possibly pee on that you know… i would let him.  i realized while we were out that i should have taken him on more walks this last summer, i didn’t, i failed and i really have no excuse but that i was hiding, hiding from the world.  but i am making up for it now.  when i got home i had a message from a good friend that was up visiting from salt lake and he wanted to take me out for lunch.  i excepted, i will always except when there is some sort of food involved.  i’m really not too picky, i will try anything when the mood strikes and if your paying. joking.   so he took me to a local mexican restaurant, that i thought i had never been to but then realized i had back sometime in the spring. that doesn’t really matter, honestly just for the fact of me remembering it while we were walking up to it from the parking lot. (its an odd sensation when you finally recognize or remember something as you are doing it.  odd, but i kinda like it).  i enjoyed the banter with him catching up all things jobs, dating and the what not.  i have come to realize i really enjoy having just a plain old good friendship with men.  it could be possibly odd that i have never really had any real connections like that. but there it is, my dirty little secret.   after my friend date, i got ready for later that evening to go to a mediation festival downtown at only in ogden storefront, done by the satya center for spiritual living.  now this could be a blog post all in itself.  but we will just do it in its own paragraph, since this one is getting a little long.

i didn’t know what to expect for this mediation, i have never really gone to a mediation class or to any sort of festival for such thing.  i generally meditate on my own at home and learned through my own either from a book, looking something up on line, or talking to a friend about their experiences and what has helped them.  the mediation we did is called deeksha, or the oneness blessing.  everyone sat in the back of the store, in the gallery area in a big circle on chairs.  there was live music playing which is called kirtan, its sanskirt set to music and singing (its a sort of chanting or mantra set to a beat).  it’s to add to the mediation and energy being pulled and added.  now the deeksha mediation is to jump or jolt us into a new energy shift.  while you sit and mediate, listening to the chants someone comes around and blesses you or several people.  i felt good and relaxed sort of at times, i was a bit confused about how everything was done and i wish they would have explained a bit more how it worked and what they would be doing before it started.  they explained a little about what it was and were it originated from and the vocalist talked about what she would be doing.  and as one who has always mediated at home in a very quiet spot i was a bit overwhelmed by everything.  i was distracted and didn’t feel i could let go and release or fully connect to oneness as i have been working on the last several months.  i will try it again since the center is close to home and they have several different days and times that they are open and what they offer. also it is all donation based so don’t be afraid to head over if you have any inclination to do so.  after an hour of the deep meditation we went into another hour of just all pure kirtan music, we chanted back and i was able to learn what some of the mantras mean.  i enjoyed the kirtan music way more, i felt more relaxed and was able to enjoy, a bit different than what i have experienced before but its good to get out of your comfort zone.  i do have to say that i do feel more energized and at ease with where i am at in life. after my experience saturday night. which i believe was the point.

which leads me into today, i slept very well saturday night, hardly any dreams and very rested for today. i got up, showered, dressed and took charles for a walk.  i felt very happy today, and its been a few weeks since i have felt this genuinely happy.  i was able to go through church and feel like i was able to fully participate and concentrate on the lesson and talks being given.  i felt a renewed sense of spirituality today and that i was able to be a little more myself with out trying so hard.  i even flirted a bit if that counts for anything, i wasn’t even trying that hard, it just kinda happened until i caught myself, i am sure that was a sight to see.  then i came home and was able to put in an application that a friend had told me about right then and there.  that was pretty quick for me, i tend to fuss way more than needs be about applications and resumes.  but i got it done in a matter of 15 or 20 minutes.  and after that its just all smooth sailing for a sunday evening, romantic comedy more dog walking, that sort of thing.   and now i should end this before this post becomes its own book.


with love,


the satya center for spiritual living is at 795 24th street ogden utah or

Photo on 10-12-14 at 9.54 PM #4

and one more because you have made it this far and you know if you blast up your stevie nicks pandora station it all makes sense.

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