” i think the teller was flirting with me, any other time i have been in there i’ve never had that long of a conversation with anyone”.
“maybe he was just being nice”.
“nice is asking about your day and then handing your money over and smiling politely, that seemed a little more. i can’t remember if he had a ring on or not”.
“you are in such a hurry to find your next boyfriend, that’s all you talk about”.
this was the conversation a couple days ago about me. i was upset about it, i was upset that the person thought that all i thought about where guys and getting a boyfriend (sidenote, i haven’t had a boyfriend/girlfriend situation since my ex-husband). i’ve been on a few dates this past year but they are very sporadic, it goes with how i am feeling honestly. i usually will make the effort to get one date, then go on that date and then get bored with the guy and the whole idea of dating and then go back to focusing on many other things. i have had ample opportunity i suppose in the last year to be in some sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but true-fully it wasn’t really what i wanted and i knew it wouldn’t be good for me.
i’m not really a dater, i never had been the girl to go out seeking out a boyfriend or a date really. i have this year taken the time a little to out some effort into by some online dating but its not my full focus in life. its more of experimenting what it is i am looking for in someone when i am fully ready plus get bored on friday nights and as much as i like my own company i enjoy being wooed every once in awhile. to me the incident at the bank with the good-looking teller was me being playful and paying attention and learning to pick on cues of such flirtation. i was a bit excited about it and wanted to share it right away instead of waiting to talk to my best-friend about it.
you see i spent the majority of my adolescent and young adult life thinking i wasn’t worth anything. i had a really hard time seeing what anyone would see in me. i didn’t think i was in anyway attractive, smart, and fun. i put a lot of effort in putting myself down about everything. i grew up thinking that if i wasn’t pretty then i had to be smart, but i didn’t believe that i was very smart and so i didn’t think i had anything going for myself. so in the last two years i have been building my self-esteem, seeing my potential and working towards it, seeing that i am attractive ( i may not be everyone’s taste in pretty, but i like the way i look), i have also had to change the way i think about the way i learn and that yes i am a smart person. i may not ever get into an ivy league school but i do think about the world around me, i understand enough to get me through life and i truly enjoy learning. and my humor might not be for everyone but i can at least keep myself entertained and on the occasion my friends and family.
so you see its this coming into my own of who i am. its this new found confidence in myself that i have. something i have never had before. so to me noticing when someone is flirting with me or putting in some effort to get to know me is this realization of, “oh yeah i am a great person and have a lot to offer to any relationship i am in”. i don’t always notice when someone is flirting with me and usually someone later points it out to me. i suppose it’s kinda like sheldon when he is able to tell when someone is being sarcastic, it makes him a bit proud of himself when he figures it out himself and then can come up with something back.
i may not be everyones cup of tea and i am perfectly okay with that. i honestly don’t want to be and really i just want one cup of tea myself. but until then i am going to enjoy the different aromas and flavors of a few of the teas out there, plus dammit! i should be out there having fun and flirting it up, when i want.