a drifter

 

 well i finally feel that i was a little productive today.  my hair is up in rollers because i am some how still trying to figure out how to prefect the perfect head of curls, i cleaned the kitchen and i went grocery shopping.   i also walked from the coffee shop to the grocery store an all of 22 minutes between sipping my iced coffee and trying to finish the book i have been reading since feburary.  albeit i had left the book at my cousins house for two weeks after buying it at a pretty packed bookstore, one that reminded me of a smaller version of powells in portland.   it was only out of my possesion for two weeks before i recovered it back.   yet, i still haven’t finished it.  i am determined to finish the other four books i have yet to finish as well by the end of the month.  i could somehow do it if i stayed up through the night and didn’t watch so much netflix.

netflix has been the bane of my sad little reserve life for the last six months.  what else do you do when you are waiting for a phone call at any moment for days on end.  i joke like its some sort of relationship, i’m needy and they make themselves unavailable.  like a bad relationship gone wrong.

i think it might have something to do with march.   i used to love march.  i’m not so sure anymore.    there was always something beautiful about march.  the first early feelings of spring, warmth, sunlight and the start of budding green leaves.  blooms on trees.   butterfly’s in the stomach as if something where coming, something to start.   hope of longer, warmer days ahead.   good things used to happen in march,  good things used to be known in march.

spring is here in texas.  i noticed it a few weeks ago when i had gotten back from a trip.  i had been gone most of feb.  i was dazed from from the hotel rooms, the flights the not knowing what time it was.   i didn’t notice until the uber driver had pulled up in the neighborhood i am currently staying at.   i had finally looked up and out the window “oh, its spring”.  i had said it out loud to the driver.  he didn’t say anything.  the blooms on the trees had started, the grass was green the sky was blue and it was finally warm.   he didn’t say anything, he didn’t even look up.   to me it was like a sign.  spring has always been a sign.  brighter days ahead.  as if to say winter is leaving, come out as if to say my own personal winter is almost done.   smile, feel some hope.  and then i wait for the breeze.

i’m always waiting for her to speak to me.   where to turn towards next.

as everyone else is opening up their shutters, airing out their homes, bringing in new light to their homes i start packing up what i have waiting for the next place to call out to me.

well, i think the curls are set now….

with love,

jess

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