New Years Eve recap. 


For New Years Eve Jordan and I took a trip down to Santa Cruz to visit Nisene Marks State Park and to then take a drive along the coast and stop at a couple beaches while heading up to Half Moon Bay. 

I have missed the beach with the sand, rocks and waves all under my feet.  There is something rejuvenating and releasing about the pureness of standing there listening to the waves crashing at the rocks. 

When my ex left all I wanted to do was to jump into a car and drive till I could go no farther. Where the road and ocean met, where I could get out stand there in the sand and wait for the ocean and sand to bury me in her depths.  At night I would lay imagining myself there as the cold ocean wrapped around my toes, ankles and legs and then sweeping back to the depths as if it was carrying with it all of my guilt, grief and heartbreak.  As if somehow the power of the ocean could make me whole again. 

So while Jordan and I walked along the beach and I watched the waves crashing in and out I took my shoes and socks off and stood there at the edge. Eyes closed, listening to the voice of the ocean thunderous yet calming, collect.  I felt the surge of the crash of the waves at my ankles and as the sand that wrapped and covered my toes.   I realized as I stood there that I was already whole, yet it felt good to have some symbolism for myself. A closing and an opening of new things to begin.  For a surge of energy to keep pushing forward, to always keep looking forward. 

Before we drove along highway 1 we drove into Aptos, California to take a hike into Nisene Marks State Park.  There is something about Redwood trees that makes you think if there are any sort of fairies or gnomes living in a forest they would be under the cover and foliage of the Redwoods.  

Some how forest make me think of how ancient and sacred the earth is.  I realize this is perhaps crazy talk but everything I walk into the woods, I quiet myself prepare myself as if I am walking into the temple.  Only I find the the coverage of the trees more sacred, more special than something man made.  We could never fully create the serenity and peace we can feel in the natural state of our earth than building a man made building.   I tend to find God more easily in the natural state of being than walking into a building that was built to be “home”. 


Jordan and I did a quick loop from the parking lot, we trekked down to the river taking our time to take pictures and to observe everything around us.   We were only there for an hour and half and I am hoping that we will be able to get back sometime soon to spend more time hiking the trails. 


After the quick hike we did a quick drive around Santa Cruz, along town and down by the amusement park and then we drove out to highway one. 


We stopped along the road at one beach and got out and walked along the edge of the ridge with Charles.  Watching as others walked down to the beach while we looked for tide pools from the top. 

Once we stopped at the next stop we got out and hiked down the narrow path to the beach.  The beach sprawled out on either direction so we walked along the edge climbing on a few rocks looking for tide pools and little sea creatures. 



We then drove the rest of the way to Half Moon Bay and stopped at a new local brewery called Sacrilege Brewing Company.  I had their La Ultima Crema with cod tacos and Jordan had their Oat Skool with their pork nachos.  Their beers where on point and their fish tacos by golly I could have ate ten of them. 
** Give the La Ultima Crema some time to warm up a little bit. There is a good vanilla body at the end wants it warms. Also super easy to drink. 

We ended the evening early going back home and watching New Year’s Eve on the tube while I tried not to fall asleep….okay I really tried to fall asleep early. 

With love, 

Jessica 

Expectations and Reality 

Draft    

I’ve been having a difficult time trying to write anything down, I have been finding more ways to distract myself claiming that I have been opening myself up for creative thought processing. There is only so much hiking and exploration in the name of creativity till you realize that nothing is getting written down.  

So this is an attempt, an attempt to steady my self in practice to write…. Something.

Back in September when Jordan and I started dating we realized how much we had in common and one of those the biggest was the fact that I was working on, trying to figure out how to buy an rv and than live in it full time and Jordan was already doing that.  He had bought his van a year and half previously and living in it full time while working in town.  We discussed a lot about travel, where we had been and where we wanted to go, some of our dreams and how to align those together.   So we took some weekend trips in September and by the end of the month we had started talking about taking a long trip back east and moving myself and Charlie into the van. 

It was nerve wracking trying to go through what I had left, what I needed and what I didn’t and then moving what I have into Jordan’s storage unit and organizing space in the van for my clothes. Though really, that’s not the hardest part, I sort of enjoy the thrill of organizing and throwing things out.   Moving in with someone is a learning curve, though I don’t know if it is any easier if it’s after only a month or a year.  Especially when you are moving into someone else’s space, in a van and then jet setting out on the road for two months. 

I enjoyed for the most part for myself, getting to visit my family and best friend and seeing what we could on the road.  There was a lot of learning opportunities, personal growth and learning about one another.   The east coast trip was revealing on expectations and the realities of our own situation.   We wondered and talked in length how full timers are able to financially cover all their expenses and be able to have some sort of livelihood. 

 For Jordan it was a lot of being stuck in the van with little space to spread out for work and not getting outside to hike, explore, ride and sightsee as I was able to.  There was a lot of balancing drive time and his working hours to get us from one place to the next, so while we were on the road Jordan was exhausted and frustrated with not being able to exercise. He was also frustrated with finances and making sure we got back to Ogden before any major storms or chilly tempatures.

For myself I was constantly being pushed out of my comfort, getting lost and not feeling as confident in myself as I usually do.  I was constantly on the go without being able to have some down time to just rest my body and mind from everything and a space to do that in.  I felt guilty for Jordan having to work while I was out exploring and playing and then felt guilty on days when I didn’t want to go out exploring because Jordan was working and not wanting to miss every opportunity to be out.   The trip took a bit out of my self esteem with trusting my own judgements, intimidation of being on the road and being in a new relationship.  

Perhaps there is always a little intimadation within a relationship, for me its dating someone who is more independent than myself, who has taken solo biking trips and who has had a little more life lessons than myself.  So there is a part of me that wants to impress him, that if he can do it so can I-and do it without any complaints.  The intimadation also kept me from opening up and voicing my frustrations, which is where my own independence kicks in as well.   When you are so used to going through everything yourself it becomes tricky to allow someone in to experience it with you, to. Allow someone to be your confidante and voice of reason when you are so used to being that for yourself. 

And here living in a van and relationships collide for me.  To me being single is much easier, I know what I like, what I want to do and where I want to go.  I don’t have to answer to anyone and I can keep to myself. Relationships take work, are frustrating and can be drama filled at times.  Yet at the same time I realize that it’s rewarding working along side someone with the same goal as you, who cares for you and wants the best for you and you for them.  Someone who pushes you to do more, to think outside the box and to better yourself.   Learning to trust someone new and letting them into your life when things get sticky when you’d rather run instead. So we learn to find a way to push through the crappy parts so we can savor those sweet moments.

It’s been nice the last month to spread out a little bit and to find some daily life balance while still taking weekend trips together.  I find myself being able to calm and steady myself, getting back to myself again slowly even while being somewhere different and without my friends. What I do realize and what you can really only do is to keep working on what you feel is worth working on. 

I don’t fully believe that life is supposed to always be easy and happy go lucky sometimes we just need to be pushed and be in uncomfortable situations to teach us something, I do believe that those moments can bring us joy and fulfillment at the end of the day. We can also be pushed into a different path than what we ever imagined for ourselves that will move us closer to our dreams. 

 Sometimes it’s just about our outlook, you can still have a good cry -frustrated with yourself and yet glad you are doing what you are doing. 

With love, 

Jess

on the road….

Jordan and I are currently in North Carolina on a two month long road trip.  We left Utah in mid October in Jordan’s Roadtrek called Cornellia after getting me all moved in and moved out of the room i had been renting on and off for the past three years.  Our plans for coming back east was to come out to help my best friend who just had her second baby two months ago to visit and give some relief while also visiting friends and family along the way.

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We stopped in Iowa for a day to visit Jordan’s friends and to have a rest.  In Iowa we stayed in Ankeny and were able to go to a state park for hiking and mountain biking.  While Jordan was working I had the opportunity to go and explore Pella,Iowa.  It is a historic dutch town with plenty of windmills, bakeries and brick streets for your enjoyment.

Then we went on to Ohio to visit my family and stayed there for half a week.  Its always nice to get family time.  Things always seem to change yet stay the same. Odd how that happens…. Its been awhile since I have had quality time with my family and something I have been needing.   We parked for a night in Columbus at my cousin and her families house and I was able to spend a day with her and then all of us go out for dinner.

Jordan and I then headed up to my home town of Ashland to park at my aunt and uncles house.   We spent the majority of the time there so I could visit with my brothers, antagonize my uncle and get to meet the newest addition to the family. We also got the best fall cookies at Hawkin’s Market. They are a fall staple in our family.

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Driving….

We are trying to iron out the kinks when it comes to drive, work, sightseeing and relax time.  We tend to have to go a bit slower due to Jordan working through out the week and then having only so much time on the weekends yet also managing time that Jordan gets to get out and explore himself.  Its a lot of conversing with one another and checking up on how we are each doing.

Are we staying somewhere too long,

Are we driving too much,

Are we getting to explore together,

Are we exercising enough….

It’s a work in progress and maintaince to be sure that both of us our getting out of this what we need.   Its learning even more about communication and also giving one another the space one needs to figure it out as well.

 

North Carolina has been a lot of fun and we have been here for a few weeks now.  I have plenty I plan on writing about each with their own posts.  My goddaughter is now two and has gotten so big and I have had plenty baby time with the newest addition.  Kelsey has taken me out to explore and we have gotten our much needed girl time we each have been lacking.

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until next time…..

with love,

jess